The Best Perform Better with a Coach

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Even the best speakers give better speeches and feel more confident when they work with a coach. I get the privilege of working with smart amazing professionals, many of whom have been giving speeches for years. It is a myth that only those who struggle with communication benefit from working with a coach.

What do I hear from my clients that makes the biggest difference between using a coach vs. going at it alone? Here are the top three benefits.

  1. They dedicate more time to rehearsing because they are held accountable.

    “Thanks for taking the time to rehearse with me year after year. I feel more calm and prepared speaking after we work together,” partner, private equity firm

  2. An outsider’s perspective helps them see more clearly when it comes to making key points in a compelling manner.

    “You help me figure out exactly what I want to say and how best to say it,” partner, growth equity firm

  3. Reminders about what to do with their hands and how to stand in front of people are helpful because they are on stage just a few times a year.

    “I have more confidence in myself, so I communicate more effectively,” senior director, technology company

People dedicated to top performance in sports, academics, and other areas use coaches because it improves outcomes. The same is true for giving speeches. Rehearsing with a communication coach will increase your confidence, help you see things you may have missed, and hold you accountable. Just like the athlete, the quality of the performance ultimately depends on the speaker, but even the best perform better with a coach. 

Jennifer Kammeyer  taps over two decades of financial and technology industry experience plus 15 years in academia to advise leaders across the world on how to intentionally use communication to elevate professional relationships and improve business outcomes. She offers coaching one-on-one, in teams, and through workshops. Popular topics include building executive presence, leadership communication, narrative development, media training, public speaking, high-value meetings, video conference communication, and mindful communication. 

Wise Speech is Within Our Control

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Our speech is one thing we can control in a world where much is outside of our control. Our choice to use wise speech, particularly at times of discord, has a positive ripple effect across those we encounter and beyond.

Wise speech is a focus of stoicism wherein the core principle of a good life is knowing and accepting what is within our control and what is not and then acting virtuously on that within our control.

“If it is not right, do not do it; if it is not true, do not say it.” – Marcus Aurelius

External matters outside of our control, such as things not going our way or somebody saying something we find offensive, may trigger emotions we wish to express. Our practice of wise speech allows us to pause and determine if speaking is best and if so, what speech is best.  First, we need the ability to pause and acknowledge what is occurring and, second, we need techniques to make judicious choices.

Noticing Now

There are many techniques that help us to notice what is happening within us in the present moment. One of my favorites is awareness of physical sensations, particularly the tightening that occurs in our bodies. We all tend to have different locations that tighten when we are disturbed by an externality. Common spots are the stomach, or jaw or shoulders. By paying attention to these spots, we can use the feeling of tightening as a red flag that something has provoked a reaction. That somatic feedback is our cue to pause. Pause, take a breath, and notice the emotion present and the immediate desire to speak. It is within that pause that we access control of our speech, and thus ourselves

Deliberately Choosing

Virtuous speech includes that which is truthful, useful, kind, and timely.  Wise speech takes into account the readiness of our listener and our own equanimity. We may want to correct untruthfulness, but it may not be the right time, or we may not possess the mindset to be skillfully kind in that moment. Here are four useful questions we can ask ourselves to guide deliberate choices in our speech:

What will be accomplished by speaking right now?

If that is not clear or not positive, then silence is the sage choice. Nodding our heads politely indicates that we have heard the other person and not that we necessarily agree. If it is not the right time because the person is not ready to receive what we have to share, we can choose not to say anything and redirect the conversation. Sometimes we need to remove ourselves from the situation, because we are not ready to handle it skillfully.

What emotional states are present for me and others?

If emotions are high or negative, waiting or proceeding with gentle, compassionate speech is helpful. Perhaps we start with acknowledging our own emotions, such as, “Wow, I am feeling defensive after hearing that.” We can also reflect back what we perceive, such as, “I am sensing that now is not a good time so perhaps we can discuss this later.”

What question(s) can I ask to ensure I fully understand the other’s point of view and motivation behind their speech?

Questions can magically disarm emotional encounters when they come from a place of genuine curiosity. Taking the perspective that every encounter is a learning experience makes us curious. Thinking of what specifically we can learn in this moment is a good way to come up with an appropriate question to ask. “What led to this understanding?”  or “What else can you tell me about this?” are open-ended questions that help us gather more information.

What words can positively contribute and add value without causing harm?

This question gets to the heart of the truthful and useful aspect of wise speech. The words we chose need to be those we believe, otherwise we are being false. They also need to be words that connect with and are uplifting for the other person, otherwise we cause harm. “I see you have carefully thought through this issue.” Is a kind way to recognize effort without agreeing with the content.

By asking ourselves what speaking can accomplish, what emotions are present, what we need to understand better, and what words can make a positive impact, we guide ourselves toward constructive speech and better outcomes.

Speaking with thoughtfulness after pausing to obtain clarity of mind is not always easy, but it is always prudent. Wise speech creates peace within ourselves, improves relationships with others, and has a virtuous cascading effect.

Pocket Full of Stories for Networking

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Having a pocket full of stories can boost our confidence and increase our fun at networking events. Most of us, when walking into a crowded room, have a bit of trepidation. We want to be there to meet interesting people, yet we may not be sure who to approach or what to say. This is where a pocket full of stories is handy.  Spending just a bit of time in advance formulating a few stories we feel comfortable sharing can put us at ease.

We can tell stories from our own experience or from something we’ve recently heard or read. Here are three steps for creating a pocket full of stories:

  1. Brainstorm and pick 2-3 topics of relevance to people at the networking event. 
  2. Develop a story using information you already know about each topic. 
  3. Practice telling the stories out loud a few times until you feel confident.

The stories we develop typically can be used again at different times with different people, giving us a pocket full of stories for networking.

Let’s walk through an example to bring this idea to life.

I recently went to the Sustainable Change Alliance (SCA) event on Investing in Climate Solutions. The people attending were other SCA members and guest who were all interested in investing as well as some aspect of climate solutions.

Given attendees’ interests, topics of relevance that are also of interest to me include the central role of water in the climate crisis and follow up rounds of funding for early-stage companies. Here are two possible stories I could share at this event. 

Water and Climate

I find it inspiring just how many entrepreneurs are approaching the global water crisis from so many angles. I recently met the founder of Divirod, a start up in Colorado that provides real-time water data on a global scale using sensor technology. Interestingly, the founder came from the space industry and their solution leverages technology from that industry. That makes it reasonable to capture data from across the globe and use that massive data lake to understand and manage water issues locally. It was fun for me to learn about another company being part of the grand solution. What companies in this space have impressed you lately? 

Climate Solution Providers Raising Capital

As a communication coach, I am often brought in to help executive teams polish their pitches for fundraising. I see it can be challenging to raise follow-on rounds, particularly for more capital-intensive climate solutions. Lately I have been noticing a significant effort on the part of early investors to help companies raise additional capital. What have you seen as success factors for climate companies raising subsequent rounds of capital?

You may notice that these story examples also include questions. These questions pull others into our stories and foster interactive engagement, which is the reason we network.

The more stories we develop over time, the fuller our pockets become and the easier it is to have something interesting to say at events, increasing our enjoyment of networking.

 

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

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I have been noticing acts of kindness happening all around me lately. It is a good reminder that we communicate through our actions. 

I have seen small acts of kindness, like picking up other people‘s trash and giving pedestrians plenty of room and time to cross the street. I have seen grand acts of kindness with so many people helping victims of the fires in Los Angeles.

In the professional world, I have observed women mentoring other women. I have viewed those in power, conferring their social status to those with less power in the room. I have noted leaders taking the time to listen carefully to junior colleagues to better understand their needs.

All of these above actions spoke loudly to those who witnessed them. Without words, the value and importance of other people was communicated. 

When we are conscious and intentional about our actions, we can ensure that they are in line with our values. We can ensure that our actions deliver the message we intend to convey.

To be more intentional, we can:

  • Identify areas of concern and importance 
  • Brainstorm ways to demonstrate that concern
  • Look for opportunities to do so in our everyday activities

Here is an example:

Concern: Women having opportunity for leadership success in business

Ways to Demonstrate: Listen to women’s ideas, make professional connections, give free advice

Opportunities: Listening attentively to nieces or other young woman we meet, giving women kudos for having creative and ambitious ideas, formally mentoring women at work or within our industry

Whether we choose little acts of kindness or big gestures, everything we do communicates what we think is important as our actions speak louder than our words.