Picking Up Nonverbal Cues
Have you ever noticed that we can tell the nature of a conversation from across the room or even if people are speaking a different language? By simply watching a conversation as if it were a silent movie, we can pick up so much meaning. We can tell if people are getting along or disagreeing and which person is more dominant in the conversation. We can tell the emotions they are experiencing and if they are understanding each other. We know these things, and so much more, by picking up cues from nonverbal communication.
This innate human ability to interpret body language signs can also be intentionally honed so that we are more attuned to nonverbal communication cues. To sharpen our ability, we can do two things 1) learn common meanings of nonverbal signals and 2) practice interpreting cues.
Learn Common Meanings
In all languages facial expressions for similar emotions are universal, so that is a good place to start.
Sketch by Thomas Graff
A furrowed brow has a negative meaning – disagreement, fear, or confusion. A closed mouth is also negative – disgust, anger, or sadness. A smile is positive – happiness or agreement, though it also can mean submissiveness depending on other signals. A wide-open mouth means surprise and can be negative or positive depending on the eyes. The eyes tell a story on their own by how open or closed they are and where they are looking. They also communicate by more subtle means. For example, watery eyes indicate a strong emotional response.
Posture also tells a story. When people lean in, they are indicating interest and when they lean out the increased distance can mean lack of interest, disagreement, or power positioning.
An important note when it comes to posture: the height of the individuals engaged in conversation makes a difference if their heights vary significantly. Taller individuals leaning in on shorter people convey a power play or dominance. Part of posture is what people do with their arms and their legs. When limbs are crossed the meaning is typically closing off and protecting. Wide leg stances and big arm movements are signs of being confident and sometimes of taking power.
This comparison of two Shutterstock photos demonstrates how leaning over is an exertion of power compared to sitting beside someone.
There are plenty of resources for learning more about nonverbal signals and their meanings, including curated articles on the Science of People.
Practice Interpreting Nonverbal Cues
To further improve our interpreting skills, we can observe nonverbal cues and then check to see if our interpretations are accurate. We can do this with our friends, colleagues, and even strangers. We can watch friends or colleagues in conversation with us or in conversation with others and guess how they are feeling. Then we can check if we are right through a compassionate (and not too probing) question, such as “How are you feeling in the chaos of all these people in this small space?” or “Wow, you seem excited, what are you celebrating?” Strangers are fun to watch in a café or an airport. We can guess the nature of the relationship of the people interacting – friends, romantic partners, family members. We can also guess moods. To check the accuracy of our interpretations, we can listen in on the verbal interactions. For example, we might look at the line of people waiting to speak to the check-in agent at an airport gate. As they get to the front of the line we can confirm if our interpretations of nonverbal communication were accurate or not by what they say to the agent. The guy we perceived to be angry, might file a complaint with the agent and the two women we guessed to be friends might actually ask the agent to sit next to their sister.
Here is an amusing YouTube clip on playing that nonverbal cues guessing game at a café.
Nonverbal communication is such a significant part of how we understand one another that improving it increases our overall interpersonal communication effectiveness. My hope is that we can enjoy exploring the meaning of nonverbal cues.